Dear MELISSA,

"What on earth," my brother in law asked as I dragged in three large, broken down boxes.

I had just returned from my nightly trek as a young woman struggled to put the boxes out by the curb when that familiar calm voice said, "Get the boxes."

"Really, I've got 4-5 blocks before I am home," I thought.

"The boxes," the voice repeated gently.

"Alright," I responded a bit put out.

So now my brother in law is staring at me like I'm nuts as he inquires about where the boxes came from and why I had them.

Not wanting to sound crazy, I tell him my gut said to grab them.

"But we don't need them just yet. And where are you going to put them," he pressed.

"I know. But they are really great, heavy boxes. They are already broken down, so they will be easy to store in the garage until we do need them," I answered as I sat down to catch my breath.

Two days later, my sister, who is very pleased with the boxes, asked if she can use them to remove all the blinds that have overtaken the backseat of her vehicle.

"Of course," I responded, thankful that I listened to the voice again.

No, I am not psychic or psychotic. I am merely learning to surrender to the ever present spiritual connection.

Some recognize it as a gut feeling or intuition. Others say it is your guardian angel, the Holy Spirit, your Higher Self, God, or some other divine being guiding you.

I suspect it's a combination of all the above. To hear that direction, let alone follow it, meant surrendering to something that on the surface seems ridiculous and illogical.

Given how I struggle with being practical and analytical, it can be a real challenge to listen to my spiritual side.

Fortunately, I am getting better. As I remember the various times in my youth when that voice offered timely, nonjudgmental questions that made me stop and refocus before acting in a way that would have negatively impacted my life, I am encouraged to trust the calming voice even more.

As I do, synchronicity seem to be more prevalent.

In reality, each of us has this support available, but most of us have to been taught to ignore it. Our challenge is to learn to surrender once again. The world requires it to successfully navigate the vastly changing future.

So let's plunge into surrendering to see how it can help to minimize overwhelm, strengthen our intuition, enhance our courage and confidence, and contribute to being Extraordinary Leaders.

Blessings of a life well lived,

Melissa

Fifty Shades of Surrender

Surrendering in life is not about throwing in the towel, failure, defeat, or losing. Nor is surrendering the same as passivity, resignation, complacency or defeatism.

Surrender is not giving up on life, but rather giving up fighting with life.

When you quit fighting with life, you stop fighting with yourself and stop resisting and pushing against reality.

Surrendering frees you to work with life by letting go of controlling how you think things should be. This is a huge feat given the inherent desire to control as many things as possible in order to feel secure, safe and … in control.

You see, the stickler is control is always based in fear. Unless you are in a life or death moment (i.e., the saber tooth tiger is about to strike and you are the menu), you are not likely to do your best work or be your best self from the place of fear.

Fear causes contraction, keeping you on guard and looking for all that can go wrong or doesn't work. Anxiety, thus, becomes a regular companion that gets in the way of you trusting yourself, your intuition, life, others, and pretty much everything.

Because you can't risk relaxing, you miss out on making the most of opportunities and on enjoying life in general. In time, you crash and burn physically and emotionally.

Your vision will tend to narrow, confusing your sense of purpose and robbing you of the fulfillment that once drove you. Medical issues, anxiety, procrastination, difficulty concentrating, poor memory, relationship issues, and/or anger develop as overwhelm bankrupts your life.

Surrendering allows us to release the illusion of being in control so that we can experience the magic of being alive.

At the simplest level, surrendering is choosing to let go of outcomes or letting go of decisions others make. From wholeheartedly savoring a cup of coffee (not just the jolt of caffeine, but the smell, taste, and warmth of the liquid), to passionately losing yourself in music, dance, singing, rafting, or any activity, letting go can open you to places in yourself that either you had forgotten about or never knew existed.

From surrendering to love and opening yourself to a rare and precious intimacy to yielding to deep meditation, letting go is a benevolent gift to yourself.

As you learn to surrender more and more deeply, you begin to open more earnestly to your intuition. You may even begin to notice a clear soft voice inside. But it can be just a feeling: Do this. Go there. Say this. Trust that.

One friend, a successful lawyer, once joked that he had 2 rates: his normal rate and his bathroom break rate. He explained that when he couldn't figure out the solution to an issue, he would take a bathroom break.

He understood that the more present and relaxed he was, the stronger his connection to that small clear voice. All he had to do was get out of his own way. Photo by Alexandr Podvalny from Pexels

At the deepest level of surrender, some have described this as surrendering their will to the will of a Higher Power, many refer to as God.

Reaching deeper levels of surrender often begins when you know you don't know the answer. Nothing you have tried is working, you are out of ideas and you can't keep doing things the way you've been doing them any longer.

However, surrendering is not a strategy, but a profound absence of strategies that begins where all other strategies end.

It's the paradox of letting go of control to discover you actually begin to have control in your life.

By surrendering, you are most susceptible to receiving assistance, particularly unexpected help that allows for serendipity, synchronicity, surprise, mystery... or even the miraculous.

It's knowing that you are not in charge and that help comes in unanticipated ways with results that you could never have attained alone.

So where might you start? Could you surrender for just this moment? To really giving yourself over to something without letting shame or fear of appearing weak or silly interfere? To having some fun? To being silent? To tears of joy, pain or sadness?

In order to pick something up, you’ve got to put something down. – Todd Stocker

Start small. Start where your curiosity is peaked. Keep it simple, fun and relaxing, exploring to discover what works for you. Below are some activities to launch this process. There is no wrong place to begin.

The benefits of letting go of control accumulate with practice. These changes in turn contribute to you growing into an Extraordinary Leader who is not only more fulfilled at work, but who also makes time for the things that matter the most.

Cool Resource

This a great resource for surrendering to your fears, pains, and challenging emotions. Use it often.

Best time to do the process is when you are feeling something come up. When that is not possible, wait until you have 15-20 minutes to sit with the feeling.

To ensure you have resolved the issue, think about the issue again and notice if any other emotions or physical sensations come up. If so, again notice where the discomfort is most intense in the body and repeat process above.

If takes longer than 20 minutes, sit with it for as long as you can. If you can’t stay with it until fully resolved, then pick it back up as often as you need until it is resolved. Don’t hesitate to share with me and we can work on the issue together as well.

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Watch in your email for the invitations to join my weekly guided meditations provided via Zoom. If you are unable to attend the meditations live, the meditations are also recorded.

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Our Vision: To help one million individuals and families to develop more love, joy, peace and happiness through living their best lives.

Why We Do What We Do...

"Extraordinary Leadership" is about learning to live fully, instead of surviving from one crisis to the next. It’s about making room for life, which is meant to be lived joyfully. We guide and support you through this simple, yet powerful, process to building a peaceful, resilient life one step at a time.

On a Personal Note

Fifty Shades of Surrender

Cool Resource

Upcoming Events

Connect With Me

Don't Keep Us a Secret!

Why We Do What We Do...