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Volume 1, Issue 12
On a Personal Note
"Oh good grief. Not again!"
I am beginning to wonder if this issue will ever get done.
This is my third attempt from scratch.
All the research, everything gone.
Needless to say, I'm a little more than frustrated about now and tempted to give up.
Some how in spite of repeatedly saving everything I wrote,
It's is all gone... AGAIN.
It's been that kind of month.
So many emotions related to all the things that have changed in my life over the last year.
Much of which is still in limbo due to both the craziness of the world
And ongoing learning associated with becoming an entrepreneur.
I keep wondering what is next.
Need I say more?
So this month is all about emotions.
Men and women often damn our feelings of anger, frustration, fear, anxiety, grief, etc....
Heck, sometimes I can't even tell you what I am feeling,
And my emotional intelligence tests pretty high.
I just know I don't like the feeling and I have to get through it.
The aversion to emotions really comes down to disliking vulnerability;
And emotions often leave us feeling vulnerable!
Avoiding emotions, ignoring them, stuffing them or numbing them
Just keep the emotions stuck until they find a way to escape
At the most inopportune times and most inappropriate ways.
Emotional Intelligence is essential to a successful life, but we need to dive into emotions
Before we can improve emotional intelligence.
How do you improve anything without figuring out where your challenges are?
This issue is a bit long, so you may want to grab a good cup of Joe or a nice iced tea
Before we dig into the basics of emotions.
Blessings of a life well lived,
Melissa
Dances With Emotions
But feelings can't be ignored, no matter how unjust or ungrateful they seem. ~ Anne Frank
Truly, emotions are an enormous topic to tackle.
The topic could easily be addressed a different way each month, which is why emotions are mentioned in most issues.
Although often denied, feelings are part of everything you do. Hence, this issue is all about the basic aspects of emotions.
For starters, emotions are natural and provide information.
Grief is about losing something or someone of importance. Fear warns to slow down and pay attention, you may be in danger. Happiness communicates everything feels OK with you in this moment, no matter what may be going on around you.
Sometimes intuition imparts information through your emotions. To understand what is being communicated requires you to get quiet and sit with them. Something that does not come naturally to most.
I learned this the hard way when I agreed to sell my condo in spite of a wellspring of emotions that flooded me when the offer was made. I turned to others for feedback when I needed to turn inward.
Giving into the pressure to make a quick decision, I skipped taking the time to sort through all the emotions that were simultaneously expressing. If I had done so, I would have looked more closely at the situation unfolding around me.
Such a hard lesson to learn.
Of course, our feelings aren't always accurate. But when we learn to pay attention to them with curiosity, we are better able to attend to them.
It is said that emotions are energy in motion coming up to leave. When you don't allow your emotions to be felt, they stay trapped within you. At least until they find an outlet that is often ill timed, inappropriate, and may have nothing to do with situation at hand.
The result is an over reaction. When an emotion is triggered, multiple memories involving a similar emotional reaction are simultaneously (and often subconsciously) activated in the brain. When these memories are unresolved, you may react to them in addition to the current issue or situation.
Stagnant emotions are connected to unresolved memories. These emotions get stuck in the body and contribute to various physical and emotional issues such as chronic pain, cancer, depression, anxiety, ulcers, and rage. Indeed, Louise Hay purports in her book, You Can Heal Your Life, that many physical and emotional issues have an unresolved emotional component.
Strong emotional reactions call for you to slow down and turn inward. Sitting with the feeling helps to reveal what is driving the intensity. When you are able to clarify what you are actually reacting to, then you are able to make more rational decisions about how to proceed best.
As if emotions were not complicated enough, society likes to assign specific emotions to men and women, then judge the emotion and the person experiencing them. We forget that babies are born expressing the full gamut of basic emotions independent of their gender.
Family and cultural rules teach which emotions are acceptable to express. This doesn't mean you don't feel all of the emotions. It means you learn to ignore, suppress, stuff, avoid, or deny feelings you don't like or have been taught are unacceptable.
You may also have suppressed emotions due to not knowing how to process or have time to process the situation at the time.
Any of these often automatic and unconscious responses contribute to over reacting as mentioned above.
And then there are times when there are no words for the feeling(s) in the moment. Tears may flow to release some of the tension. This is healthy for both women and men. Some, however, turn to physical means, such as exercise, running, or hitting a punching bag to lessen the pressure.
Once the strain has decreased, words may begin to flow. Journaling can help with this process.
Many believe that being only rational is the desired state to achieve, but life is built on emotions.
The fact is, emotions have a substantial influence on the cognitive processes, including perception, attention, learning, memory, reasoning, and problem solving. Furthermore, without emotions: life lacks appreciation and gratitude; life is dull at best; connection with others is severely limited; and you often feel numb, lonely or disconnected inside.
Emotions keep life interesting and paint our world in beautiful colors. Indeed, we tend to associate certain colors and emotions (e.g., red-> love, passion, anger; blue-> sadness, calm).
The challenge is not to become emotionless, but to learn how to identify and understand your feelings so that you can express them in healthy ways. The more you can accept your emotions, the more you are able to understand what others may be experiencing (the key to emotional intelligence).
No judgement required. No shame. When you understand what is driving an emotion, you are empowered to make adjustment as needed.
This may involve changing a belief that no longer serves you, changing something in your life, accepting something out of your control so that you can move on by focusing on what is in your control, and/or realizing that your reaction was actually about something else and start dealing with the real issue.
Your emotions are your emotions. You are not to take them out on others, but nor do you need to defend them.
You cannot selectively numb emotions. When you numb the undesired emotions, you also effect the desired ones. Yes, feeling emotions makes you vulnerable.
But as Brene Brown aptly explains, "vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness."
By embracing your emotions, you embrace the freedom to be unapologetically you.
And the world needs more authentic and emotionally connected leaders in the world.
Cool Resource
“I would rather have feelings without words than words without feelings. ~ Sanober Khan
Two Great Emotions Charts to Put Words to Feelings
There are days you are not sure what you are feeling or you can't find the right word to describe the feeling(s) you are experiencing. These charts can help.
If the you are ready to significantly decrease overwhelm, increase your productivity and feel vitally alive again at work and home, maybe it's time to schedule a Time for the Things That Matter Most Strategy Session by clicking on the left link.
Upcoming Events
◊ I discuss how to win back time for the things that matter most with Uwe Dockhorn. You can check it out here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/129-melissa-fairchild/id1527084850?i=1000554953546.
◊ I am featured in the 3-day Holistic Transformation Summit (March 29-31, 11am – 5pm (PDT) or 2pm-8pm (EDT); click on the link to join the event.
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