I give up! I give up! I really give up!

My home sells right as the market starts spinning out of control. And now, like so many, I find myself with dwindling options and questioning everything.

You know, just what was I thinking? Did I just jump from the frying pan into the fire?

My biggest question: God, what's next?

Seriously, I want to trust blindly, but without the blind part... You know, I want to see what's coming up next. But, that doesn't seem to be part of the plan...

There is a plan, right, God?

Last month was all about balance. I’m not sure how well I balanced everything as I frequently had to catch the old fears that surfaced... for all to see, no less.

Apologies and redirects occurred more frequently than I care to admit.

I had hoped to say: But the purchase of a home and move has been achieved. Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

That just isn't the case. The fact is there are still a lot of moving pieces, especially where I will live for a while.

No, I am not homeless. I am blessed with family willing to tolerate me in the short term, but I do not have a permanent or semi-permanent address just yet.

So this month- and the next- are all about adjusting… adjusting to change of every kind in a new city with new challenges.

And especially, adjusting to changes I don't particularly like or want because things didn't go the way I had planned.

Just like many people who have experienced trauma, I don’t particularly like change. As I stated last month, change is messy. Change is messy because there is too much room for unpredictability and therefore is out of my control.

And having things out of my control when stressed triggers my need to control. It's a vicious cycle if I don't stay aware of what I am feeling.

These are the moments to remember that balance is not about managing time, but managing yourself. This includes your fears, insecurities, reactions and everything else involved in being you; or in this case, me.

What I failed to mention was the part about trusting other people and in a power greater than yourself. Trust is inherent to adapting to change, accepting things as they are and re-establishing balance, especially when it's change that is not wanted.

Starting to sound familiar? If so, you are going to love this issue as we dive into adjusting without having to spin out. Yes, that is possible, even as the storms of life rage around us.

So let’s take a look at what it means to readjust to life. Not adjust in a backward manner, but actually growing through the situation or circumstances we are facing.

Blessings of a life well lived,

Melissa

The Great Adjustment

“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” —Jim Rohn

How do you adjust when everything around you seems to be spinning out of control? You watch your options disappear before your very eyes and wonder what now?

Maybe, you've been following all the rules of a stable life, but now fear you could lose everything because your world has gone insane and nothing is making sense any more.

How are you to adjust when the proverbial shit has hit the fan with change that is irreversible, whether that is by chance, a crisis, or as the result of a choice(s) made?

I'm sure you know that adjusting to adversity is more than just shifting from plan A to plan B... if only it were that easy.

Truth is, adapting to change or misfortune that significantly affects your life, involves too many adjustments at once, is permanent, is unwanted, and/or is unexpected, is overwhelming.

To successfully readjust, your ideas and behaviors often must shift as well. Otherwise, you risk finding yourself just surviving from one day to the next.

Either you change or adversity traps you in the past feeling the eternal victim of circumstances.

And although you may fear this to be your future in your moment of overwhelm, I'm here to say that does not have to be your fate.

Instead, growing through distressful circumstances is not only possible, but can result in a deeper transformation of who you are and how you approach life moving forward.

Inner transformation springs forth from accepting the challenges as they are (not as you want them to be) and being willing to learn new things in order to adapt to what life is seemingly throwing at you.

When the challenges are accepted, and not resisted, you discover just how strong and resilient you are. You learn to thrive in your new circumstances.

Now don't misunderstand me, I didn't say going through the process of adapting to change will be easy. Nor am I saying it will even be quick.

Many factors play into adapting. As noted above, your first challenge is to accept your new circumstances. Only then can you begin to feel your way through to the other side- one baby step at a time.

It's understanding that life as you have known it will never be the same. However, this need not mean it can never be fulfilling again. It means fulfillment will have new perimeters and context.

Contentment, gratification and enjoyment will be necessarily different as a new sense of importance and even purpose is revealed to you as you progress through the process of readjustment.

Notice I said "the process of readjustment." Adapting to your new reality takes time. The time required varies from situation to situation (and may continue over your lifetime), so don't put a time limit on when the process will be completed.

Also remember, no two individuals experience identical processes, but the overall process is similar for each person. So take hope that you too can get through the process and learn to draw on acceptance, faith and hope to live fully and with peace.

Acceptance of one's life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from the struggle. On the contrary, it means accepting it as it comes, with all the handicaps of heredity, of suffering, of psychological complexes and injustices. - Paul Tournier

We tend to struggle with acceptance due to misinterpreting acceptance as agreeing with, liking, wanting, choosing, supporting or being OK with a situation.

Acceptance merely means you see the situation as it is. As a friend likes to say, "It is what it is." Or as AA teaches, it’s about learning to live life on life’s terms.

Living on life's terms means you don't try to force a particular outcome or direction, which often makes matters worse.

Recognizing that the situation is out of your control, acceptance helps you to manage anxiety and find your peace.

Only from this place can you then explore what, if anything, you can do in response to the circumstances you find yourself facing.

And then adjust your mindset accordingly to recognize opportunities to make things better.

Faith is not about going it alone even though you may feel all alone when facing the challenges at hand. Rather, faith involves trusting an unseen power greater than yourself.

A power than opens you to inspired action as you learn to trust more deeply than you knew possible.

Sometimes this means inaction, or waiting. Waiting does not mean avoidance, but rather allowing for the right time to act.

You may want to rush in and force your will on the situation or think doing anything is better than doing nothing. But erroneous actions will not resolve the issues you face.

However, waiting is not necessarily a passive response as you may be directed to do things that (unbeknown to you) are in preparation for essential action down the road.

For instance, you may need to gather more information and/or training of some sort. Or find yourself helping or volunteering that leads to meeting someone who is able to help you in some way.

There may be a series of steps or opportunities that miraculously line up for you. And only in looking back do you recognize that you were being guided and prepared for the right action at the right time.

You might even feel that everything you went through, including the hard times, equipped you for something greater than what was behind that locked and bolted door you so desperately wanted to force open.

Opportunities can only be acted on when you are no longer focused on the adverse situation and have let go of how you wanted things to be.

This is not about responding perfectly, but learning to recognize what inspired action looks and feels like.

Although that action may feel scary because it means stepping outside your comfort zone, action is not taken because of the anxiety.

Rather there is a urging that is mixed with the fear of doing something new, a knowing that you probably won't be able to explain.

It might even feel like nagging that keeps showing up in your life in some form or other, a nagging that resolves once you follow the internal guidance.

As things begin to come together, your faith in yourself, in others and in a higher power tends to grow stronger and life seems to improve in ways you could not have anticipated.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

Faith and hope work together to fuel your courage to trust that the current struggles are not the end of your story. The distress you are experiencing is just a chapter in the whole book of you.

Without hope, you have no reason to endure the hardship facing you and instead are more likely to succumb to depression and anxiety.

Yes, you may fall into depression and anxiety off and on throughout this process of adaptation, but hope keeps you from staying stuck there indefinitely.

Hope is more than just a state of mind. It is an action-oriented inner resource that directs your focus out of the past and into the future, supporting your courage to move forward in life.

Furthermore, hope combined with faith charges your motivation and determination to pursue your goals when you are unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Hope and faith also reinforce your resiliency to pick yourself up when life knocks you down.

Through practice, you learn to accept the past, while fighting for a better future.

A big part of adjusting comes down to your mindset. Acceptance, flexibility, hope, letting go, and trusting in better things to come are all part of developing a mindset that reinforces resiliency that allows you to cope and thrive when life throws everything and the kitchen sink at you.

Adapting involves many of the same skills and activities presented in previous issues. The more you use them, the better they tend to work and the less spinning out of control occurs.

In summary, acceptance, faith and hope work together to move you from suffering to growing through adversity. As you learn to thrive no matter the challenges in life, you find a you are stronger than you ever imagined. Life no longer controls you, but you use life experiences to develop the best version of you.

Cool Resource

In light of moving and in recognition of veterans and active duty service members, here are several cool resources I found to help with adjusting to various situations of change:

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"Reclaim Your Life from Stress" is about learning to live fully, instead of surviving from one crisis to the next. It’s about making room for life, which is meant to be lived joyfully. We don’t push pipe dreams. We guide and support you through this simple, yet powerful, process to building a peaceful, resilient life one step at a time.

Dear MELISSA,

The Great Adjustment

Cool Resource

Upcoming Events

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Don't Keep Us a Secret!

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